Time keeps on ticking.. ticking.. ticking..

I have survived two whole days into this New Year.

Said it before and I am sure I will say it again - so far, so good.

My New Year's eve consisted of a bottle of champagne with my room mate as we watched two very funny movies: Step Brothers and Forgetting Sara Marshall. I had a good chuckle, boxed up a few more items for my big move at the end of the month, and headed off to bed.

I live in Alabama - which makes me suffer through a Central Time Zone. I grew up on the east coast. So, I decided I would celebrate on Eastern Standard Time, and I fell asleep shortly after 11pm.

(I told you I lead a very boring life.)

On New Year's day I proceeded to get my affairs in order. I mailed off yet another request for a deferment for student loans. I tell you, I have been dodging those bastards for years.
Then I went to the hell on earth otherwise known as Walmart. Believe it or not, I succeeded in purchasing items that were not only healthy to eat, but also a good price. Yes, dear friends, there is a God!

Of course a nasty little friend of my reappeared. You may be familiar with him - I honestly thought he and I said goodbye a couple of year's ago - but my angry little panic disorder decided to creep in and wish me a happy new year.

Yep, had my first panic attack of the year.

Now you might be thinking... what??? In .. the.. world.. is .. she .. talking.. about? Yep, I have suffered with a panic disorder for about 27 years. Luckily, I have basically stopped having attacks the past 6 years or so. Every once in a blue moon the adrenal gland likes to show it's ugly little face and have me get a little "pumped up" and "freaked out."

The good news is - I know how to control them. After years and years of serious agony over not being able to do ANYTHING without feeling like I was going to die - I have finally conquered the ugly little beast. .... Or so I thought.

I know I am not invincible, but at least I understand why my mind decides to do this from time to time.

There is a lot going on in my life right now - wedding, moving, financial stuff, lots of work, etc. It's almost too much for most people. Unfortunately, I do not have a very strong support system. I have one - just not the most coddling of ones.

Not that coddling ever worked for me. But I do have to handle things on my own more often than not.

I have always been envious of people who have a nice soft bed to fall back on from the trust fall. Me? Nope - I choose not to participate in that challenge course game. I know better. My issues, and stressors are too much for the average person to handle. I would never fall on anyone.

Do any of you suffer from panic attacks? Are you curious about them?

I found some amazing resources that helped me throughout the years. I have learned so much.

You may be asking what exactly is a panic attack? or even panic disorder -

Just so you know - Panic Disorder is a serious condition that around one out of every 75 people might experience. It usually appears during the teens or early adulthood, and while the exact causes are unclear, there does seem to be a connection with major life transitions that are potentially stressful: graduating from college, getting married, having a first child, and so on.

There is also some evidence for a genetic predisposition; if a family member has suffered from panic disorder, you have an increased risk of suffering from it yourself, especially during a time in your life that is particularly stressful.

A panic attack is a sudden surge of overwhelming fear that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than the feeling of being 'stressed out' that most people experience.

Symptoms of a panic attack include:
racing heartbeat
difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
terror that is almost paralyzing
dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
trembling, sweating, shaking
choking, chest pains
hot flashes, or sudden chills
tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die

You probably recognize this as the classic 'flight or fight' response that human beings experience when we are in a situation of danger. But during a panic attack, these symptoms seem to rise from out of nowhere. They occur in seemingly harmless situations--they can even happen while you are asleep.


In addition to the above symptoms, a panic attack is marked by the following conditions:
- it occurs suddenly, without any warning and without any way to stop it.
- the level of fear is way out of proportion to the actual situation; often, in fact, it's completely unrelated.
- it passes in a few minutes; the body cannot sustain the 'fight or flight' response for longer than that.

However, repeated attacks can continue to recur for hours.

A panic attack is not dangerous, but it can be terrifying, largely because it feels 'crazy' and 'out of control.'
Panic disorder is frightening because of the panic attacks associated with it, and also because it often leads to other complications such as phobias, depression, substance abuse, medical complications, even suicide.
Its effects can range from mild word or social impairment to a total inability to face the outside world.
In fact, the phobias that people with panic disorder develop do not come from fears of actual objects or events, but rather from fear of having another attack. In these cases, people will avoid certain objects or situations because they fear that these things will trigger another attack.

Please remember that only a licensed therapist can diagnose a panic disorder. There are certain signs you may already be aware of, though.

One study found that people sometimes see 10 or more doctors before being properly diagnosed, and that only one out of four people with the disorder receive the treatment they need. That's why it's important to know what the symptoms are, and to make sure you get the right help.

Many people experience occasional panic attacks, and if you have had one or two such attacks, there probably isn't any reason to worry.

The key symptom of panic disorder is the persistent fear of having future panic attacks. If you suffer from repeated (four or more) panic attacks, and especially if you have had a panic attack and are in continued fear of having another, these are signs that you should consider finding a mental health professional who specializes in panic or anxiety disorders.

Without treatment, panic disorder can have very serious consequences.

The immediate danger with panic disorder is that it can often lead to a phobia. That's because once you've suffered a panic attack, you may start to avoid situations like the one you were in when the attack occurred.

Many people with panic disorder show 'situational avoidance' associated with their panic attacks.

For example, you might have an attack while driving, and start to avoid driving until you develop an actual phobia towards it.

In worst case scenarios, people with panic disorder develop agoraphobia -- fear of going outdoors -- because they believe that by staying inside, they can avoid all situations that might provoke an attack, or where they might not be able to get help. The fear of an attack is so debilitating, they prefer to spend their lives locked inside their homes.

Most specialists agree that a combination of cognitive and behavioral therapies are the best treatment for panic disorder.

Medication might also be appropriate in some cases.

Many people who suffer from panic disorder are worried that their panic attacks mean they're 'going crazy' or that the panic might induce a heart attack. 'Cognitive restructuring' (changing one's way of thinking) helps people replace those thoughts with more realistic, positive ways of viewing the attacks.

Cognitive therapy can help the patient identify possible triggers for the attacks. The trigger in an individual case could be something like a thought, a situation, or something as subtle as a slight change in heartbeat. Once the patient understands that the panic attack is separate and independent of the trigger, that trigger begins to lose some of its power to induce an attack.

The behavioral components of the therapy can consist of what one group of clinicians has termed 'interoceptive exposure.' This is similar to the systematic desensitization used to cure phobias, but what it focuses on is exposure to he actual physical sensations that someone experiences during a panic attack.

People with panic disorder are more afraid of the actual attack than they are of specific objects or events; for instance, their 'fear of flying' is not that the planes will crash but that they will have a panic attack in a place, like a plane, where they can't get to help. Others won't drink coffee or go to an overheated room because they're afraid that these might trigger the physical symptoms of a panic attack.

Interoceptive exposure can help them go through the symptoms of an attack (elevated heart rate, hot flashes, sweating, and so on) in a controlled setting, and teach them that these symptoms need not develop into a full-blown attack.

Behavioral therapy is also used to deal with the situational avoidance associated with panic attacks. One very effective treatment for phobias is in vivo exposure, which is in its simplest terms means breaking a fearful situation down into small manageable steps and doing them one at a time until the most difficult level is mastered.

Relaxation techniques can further help someone 'flow through' an attack. These techniques include breathing retraining and positive visualization. Some experts have found that people with panic disorder tend to have slightly higher than average breathing rates, learning to slow this can help someone deal with a panic attack and can also prevent future attacks.

In some cases, medications may also be needed. Anti-anxiety medications may be prescribed, as well as antidepressants, and sometimes even heart medications (such as beta blockers) that are used to control irregular heartbeats.


If you suffer from panic disorder, like I do, these therapies can help you. But you can't do them on your own; all of these treatments must be outlined and prescribed by a psychologist or psychiatrist.

At 23 I decided to try cognitive behavior therapy and it was wonderful!! Now, at least - when that bastard wants to show it's little head, I know what to do and how to handle it.

So it goes without saying... I just might be experiencing a little stress. LOL

Just a little.. you think??

That's okay.. because time keeps on ticking.. ticking.. and I don't want anything holding me back from a wonderful year!!


Until next time...