Headache

What more can I say, but I want to crawl up in a ball and sleep for days.

I wole up this morning with a BLAZING headache. Not one of cautionary meningitus headaches - but the kind that is telling me, "Girl - you are stressed."

Mentally I am confused - why am I so upset/stressed/emotional? If I strategically break it down - all should be well. I got the apartment. (How many times do I have to repeat this to myself. I WILL NOT be homeless.) My job and pay is good. (Calm Down.) I bought the wedding dress and KNOW what I want. (Chill out.) Big loose ends are slowing becoming tied up (BREATHE.)

Perhaps my body responds to stressful situations after the fact. I notice I handle things fairly well when I am under massive stress. I tend to go into solution mode and I turn each "issue" into a task to be tackled and completed. I do NOT like loose ends.

Then, when it all works out - I spend about 24 hours in an elated state - then BOOM - my body reacts with headaches, naseua, aches, pains... dizziness - etc. Today I am in the middle of all of the above.

I have tried breathing, praying, meditating, hot baths.. you name it. I cannot get my body on board with my brain.

I have said it before - I never respond appropriately. My emotions never match what I should be experiencing. I am not sure how to change this about myself - but it seems like a really good "issue" to fix in the New Year.

On the brighter side of things, my 6 page article in the Birmingham Magazine will be out on Feb 1st for Heart Month. February is when we concentrate on Go Red For Women - a campaign focused on educating women that cardiovascular disease is the number one cause of death.

I put in an email to the embassy to see when my egyptian will be here. I miss him soooooo damned much. It hurts. Literally. There is a void in my life - and it is that companionship. I can't remember the last time I was even hugged by another person. I am operating on absolutely no physical interaction. I do not mean sexual - I mean literally - nothing. I think there might be something comforting about human interaction mixed with touch. I think the closest I come to this is when the hair stylist fixes my hair. LOL So sad - trying going over a year without anything even like a friendly hug.

Okay - maybe I had a few handshakes - but that is it.

*sigh*.

Until next time...